Picture this: after a debauched night out, you wake up drenched in sweat because you forgot to both get undressed and turn on your AC before flopping into bed. Your head’s already pounding, and that nauseous feeling is already on its way. Oh, and the forecasted high for the day is in the upper 80s. What should you do?
Reach into the freezer and grab an ice pop that has Pedialyte in it. That’s right: the electrolyte solution meant for infants that’s been appropriated by boozebag adults is now available in a freeze pop form. Presented in familiar cherry, grape, orange and blue raspberry flavors, they’ll surely make you nostalgic for the days before you even knew what a hangover was.
Pedialyte describes these life-restoring treats as a “cool way to quickly replenish lost fluids and electrolytes to help prevent dehydration and help you feel better fast.” It’s basically a nicer way of saying “hey idiot, these things will keep you from spending the entire day praying for the release of death.”
As with most things these days, you can buy multiple boxes in bulk on Amazon, with each box containing 16 pops (presumably four of each color). If I were an enterprising liquor store owner with one of those walk-in freezers where all the 30-racks are, I’d probably be stocking up on these right about now.
So if you’re planning to “Rosé all day” this summer, you should probably “Pedialyte pop all day after.” There’s never been a better excuse to feed yourself some flavored ice in the morning.
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